after it is all over

On the other side of the light

Sits a woman staring at me – blind.

I cannot see the words she screams

I am too busy coming undone – as it seems.

I must go, I must leave

“You are a liar, a thief.”

The sky is filled with diamond tears

The floor is laid out with age-old fears.

I cannot run,

I need a song.

The mirror hides my true face

Leaving me worried that my reflection fades.

And the clouds are on fire,

My thoughts are tired.

I want to drown in a serenity wall

Being at peace – is all.

But here is me, looking at the light

I turn away, too much night, not a single fight.

The wind is howling, kissing my naked skin

If I could, I would fly on its wings.

But I am trapped in my golden life

Until the day comes and my soul died.

***

This one was written after an unexpected anxiety attack a couple of days ago. (are they ever expected?!) I don’t get them often anymore, and it left me scared and agitated for too long. I am struggling. With everything. With who I am, but also with the quality of my writing. I can’t imagine going back to work in 5 weeks. I am too afraid to see people. I am good at home…