urgh… language skills, writing skills – inexistent today!!! Sorry!

Song of the Day (Tuesday)

Blueneck – king nine

From the album “King Nine” (2014, denovali records)

This is it. March 31st. This music month is done with this particular song. It is unsettling, dark, but there is hope too. Usually, Blueneck is considered to be a post-rock band, but this song is very electronic. There are lots of effects on the voice, and the electronic sounds add to the experience too. Surprisingly, the trombone works well in this song, but if I learned anything, it is that post-rock and trombone can create massive soundscapes together. If you haven’t listened to the song yet, does this make you curious? I hope it does because I recommend the album “King Nine”, and also the very different “Repetitions” (2011, denovali records) is worth a listen. You can find Blueneck on Bandcamp.

I thank you all for your attention and support, I am not sure how long it will be before the next music-month. (The last one was in November 2019, check the archive to get to those posts – I think they aren’t tagged properly.)

Life seems to overwhelm me today (yesterday too).

It’s not your fault

Cathy

After the night comes a new morning.

It’s close to midnight. I just took out the trash from the kitchen to put it in the bins outside. I intended to get ready for bed soon. But I got held up.

It is quiet outside, and cold. Freezing. The air smells like snow, and the wind is picking up. There were storm warnings on the news, but everything was calm until now. The trees are waving in the wind; it is the only sound I can make out—just the wind jostling the trees.

These days, I don’t like going outside during the day. I go for walks at night, when I am sure not to cross anyone. When I am in the garden, I go inside when I hear the neighbour’s voices. And, honestly, I am content in my bubble. I wonder if I am slowly turning into an agoraphobic person.

I don’t miss people. I don’t miss socialising because I get my fix of people online, without having to face them or having to speak to them – and let’s not forget, I (37) have three kids (15, 11, 9) and a husband (42) at home.

What gets to me most is that I am never alone. There is not a moment when I can be completely alone without anyone around. We are living in a house, with three floors. But it is quite open, and some walls are still bare. If you are watching a movie on floor 3, you can hear the dialogue on floor 1. (Same with phone calls and all that).***

Always having someone close, that’s draining for me. And I am living with people who I actually like. Still, it gets suffocating.

So here I am, leaning against the front door’s frame, feeling the cold wind on my face, breathing. Breathing in. Breathing out. Smiling. Breathing in. Breathing out.

For now, I am okay—ups and downs; the usual. I am busy writing; for work, for me, for others… I am listening to lots of music, old and new. I am even discovering new skills in the kitchen – and I was already quite talented there…

Another three weeks of lockdown are ahead of us in Luxembourg. Covid-19 cases are still on the rise, and people are dying every day from complications associated with the virus. Three more weeks of homeschooling and being mindful and grateful. I am a lucky woman. Nothing will ever be the same.

It’s after midnight, and I close the front door. Rain is beginning to fall. The trees are still dancing in the wind, casting shadows under orange streetlights.

Tomorrow is a new day, and we are still here, still sane and safe and healthy.

Goodnight.

*** you enter the house on floor three. There is a small open space used as an office (by my husband, Patrick), a bathroom with a bathtub, and two bedrooms. The master bedroom and my son’s room. Going down to floor two. Here we have my daughters’ bedrooms, a bathroom with a shower, a technical room, and my book/CD shelves are here too. Going down to floor one. Here is an open space living room, dining area, and kitchen with access to the patio and the garden. There is also a half bath and something we call basement (with the washing machine, dryer, freezer, many tools…) Our house is rather small, even if it sounds big. It gets cramped to live here as a family of 5. We are living on 139m2 (which equals 1500 sq ft). There is no garage, no attic, no basement. I love our home, though. We had this house built for us and moved in December 2017. It’s the first house that feels like a real home. I will grow old here. And that’s a happy thought.

Song of the Day (Sunday) (it’s 8:02pm)

Agent Fresco – autumn red

This song was on the 2015 masterpiece “Destrier”. (record records). Genre is Prog Rock and these Icelandic gentlemen know how to do it.

I can’t let you fall asleep

Keep your eyes on me

Keep your eyes on me

Can we all agree

Our dreaming tree bleeds

Agent Fresco – autumn red (they write poetry)

Grab your seat and enjoy.

With or without lyrics

Depending on my mood and mind, I listen to music with or without lyrics. Not long ago, someone said to me that they disregard lyrics when listening to music, but they also don’t like to listen to instrumental music – not postrock, not ambient, not classic. They listen to mainstream music and are touched too, but on a completely different level than I am.

I listen to instrumental music to write, and the tone of the music, the melody, the tempo, the intensity, they guide my words and writing.

I also listen to a lot of other music – I am not limited to a particular genre, though I have favourites too. If there are lyrics, they have to be powerful and inspire stories or poems in my head. It doesn’t matter which genre it is.

Is it because I am a writer that I think lyrics matter? Is it because I am a writer that I admire music without lyrics?

I try keeping an open mind when it comes to music and genres. Not everything is for me, and I am quite picky and peculiar. I know what I like and what I don’t like. For me, music needs to touch something in me. It needs to make me feel, and it doesn’t matter if other listeners like it; for me, it is a subjective experience.

Not long ago, I was asked to write a review for an album that was released yesterday. ‘Are you in love?’ by Basia Bulat. It was published on a blog called ‘At the Barrier’. I felt humbled and proud that the creator of that site offered me to write about music. And apparently, I am not all that bad because he got in touch again and sent new music to review. It feels surreal, but maybe I was made to do this, it comes naturally to me, and there is always this melody or that lyric, this tune or that progression that I like or can imagine other listeners to like.

There are days when I am like music without lyrics. Intense but raw and real, overwhelming too. On other days I am like music with lyrics. Chatty, bubbly, always real, but a bit shallow.

Some people say that there is no good new music. I say: there is a lot of talent, often enough it is hidden and not what mainstream charts suggest. But if you stay curious and open-minded, you can find beautiful music and talented artists that touch you on every corner.

Music is a passion, and I understand that others don’t share it, but for me, music is like a life’s breath. I need it to exist. It saved me more than once, and it keeps me sane.

Here I am, a 37-year-old woman. Mother, wife, educator, writer, poet, lover, and I admit that music is what keeps me alive.

What is your biggest passion?

Piano Day 2020

Slowburner – everything will be ok

This song was written especially for Piano Day 2020. Slowburner is a pianist and composer from Lisbon/Portugal.

Piano Day is traditionally on the 88th days of the year. A piano has 88 keys, that’s how Nils Frahm, creator of this day, came up with the date.

Nils Frahm is a German composer and pianist.

Re from the album Screws, released in 2012 on Erased Tapes.

Do you listen to piano music? Any favourites that you’d like to share?

Song of the Day (Saturday)

Annie Lennox – Money can’t buy it

This song is from the album Diva, 1992 (Arista Records)

If I am asked about my favourite female singer, I will reply: Annie Lennox. She is an awesome singer and I like the person she is. The humanitarian and the fighter. I really like her.

It is Saturday, I am still in bed. The sun is shining through the blinds, and I can hear some kind of normalcy outside. Birds and lawnmowers. There was the sound of a car accelerating on road, and the noise of a plane getting ready for takeoff.

If I didn’t know about our new normal, I wouldn’t suspect anything being different. It is a scary thought. Because, nothing is the same anymore.

Phew… Heavy thoughts this morning. I wish you all a nice day.

xx

Cathy

Sold

For the first time in 90 days, I sold books today: more than one, five. I don’t have a wide reach, and when I advertise my work, it is often disregarded. Today, I dared to share a link to my books, or rather, a screenshot.

It felt nice that my writing is appreciated. On IG there is a man @joesteele401 who reads my poems on live streams, he mentioned that I should do readings too, but I am self-conscious, I have a slight lisp and an accent when speaking English, not off-putting, but, yeah… I always need a push and a shove out of my comfort zone.

I still have a couple of copies of my poetry collections here at home. (Covid-19 free). If you buy from this blog, I ship worldwide and add a small note.

I want to write more letters again. 🙂

Cathy

Les planètes

You are my heaven, and I fly for you; far away

My mind sits on a cloud raining on your head

And I soak your hair and your face, and your thoughts

Hiding in your head, you are ready to say goodbye

But I am there. I see the stars in your heart.

I know you. Walk through the open door for me

All we need is this hug to drop off the earth

We cannot travel to other planets, but change will come.

Your tears and my dust will turn into a new us.