Fifteen years ago, I became a mom for the first time, and my life was forever changed.

I am grateful every day.

I doubt every step I take and everything I do, apart from being a parent. I trust in my abilities to be a mom, and I believe that I am a good mom too.

Funny how I never questioned this…

I never wanted to have kids – my childhood and adolescence were too challenging. But then Olivier surprised us with his presence… I was protective from the moment I knew I was with child – which was rather late. And, Olivier came at a time when it was most inconvenient. I was in the middle of my final exams at school, and I had plans to go to university. Truth be told, until my last year at school, I didn’t have plans to go to university, I wanted to find a job and move from home. But then, I became scared, and I was not sure if I was equipped for adult life. I wanted to stay dependent for a while longer… A huge paradox in my life. Olivier showed me that I was ready…

After giving birth, I suffered from severe depression for the first time. I felt alone and useless. While my peers had gone abroad or found jobs, I was stuck being a housewife and mom. I stuffed the void with food, and I was never able to get back to the weight I was before… But that is beside the point. Because without Ollie, I would not have fought to grow and to be more. I did not ask for professional help because I believed it was the way everyone felt. I didn’t write back then, either. I was alone and isolated, and I think that is why I have such a deep bond with my son.

The bond between Ollie and me is special. There are the typical mom/son moments, but there is also a lot of banter, a lot of sharing and confiding, and a lot of understanding. I haven’t forgotten how I felt as a teen, and it is something that helps my kids a lot. Their dad was raised very differently, and it shows in our approach. The older the kids get, the more those differences show.

The only time my partner and I fight is when it is about the kids and how to raise them…

Today, I looked up at Ollie (he is a lot taller than me), he pulled me in a hug, and he put his chin on my head. “I love you, ” he said. And I said that I love him too. I am very proud of my son.

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