I received a leather-bound journal for Christmas. It was not the only one I got, I received two more (and also bought one for myself in December). It was, however, the one I began writing straight away.

The pen you see above the journal, the one with my name on it, was a gift from my bosses. Every employee received a pen and sweets last year’s Christmas (2018). This year, we received a little pig for good luck and a scratch card. True to my previous experiences, I didn’t win anything. This reminds me, one birthday not that long ago, my dad gave me ten scratch cards. I did not win anything there either. I seem to have other talents; scratching is not one of them.

And then, there is my fountain pen, my most beloved writing tool. Years ago, I got it as a gift from my then best friend. Things happened between us; I happened. And we are not friends anymore. It is just as well because I couldn’t handle close friendships right now anyway. I will always respect that woman, though, and wherever she is, I hope she is well, and that life treats her well, too.

About the words that are written on the page: someone dear to my heart is suffering a lot these days. I want to protect him. I don’t want to fix him, because that is not my job, and I can’t do that anyway. I just want to be there. Hold him. Keep the pieces together. I worry because I care. I worry a lot. But there is not a lot that I can do…

(Also, I noticed that there is a big grammatical issue: if I had the shape of water… If I was the shape of water?! Everything sounds a bit off… After all, English is by far not my native language and I am tired. I have not been sleeping well these last days…)


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