There is a time for everything – writing note 1

There is a time for everything and now is the time for me to say goodbye. I am much better off without you, my love. You knew it; I knew it too, but I needed time to understand. Oh, I am not worried, you will miss me forever. I will miss you too. There will never be a man I love as deeply as I loved you. There will never be a man who will be able to hurt me as much as you did. There will never be a man who lifted me up as much as you did. There will never be a man who will be allowed to see me as naked and stripped as you did.

From the first email to our last messages; three years of passion, of silent periods, of persistence, of manipulation passed. Three years that have changed me for the better. Three years I will never regret. Three years I will never forget. There is a time for everything. Even for goodbye.

Nothing left

Nothing left. There is nothing left of you and me. Nothing left of you in me. I am trying to find a worthy way of saying goodbye, but I am not sure I can find it. Our love was immense — a delusion of the minds. Everything we had was nothing. It was lust that was glorified and labelled as something else. We took different turns in understanding it. It took me longer to let go. And you loved it…

This was the first fiction I have written in a while. My muse has left, and everything I begin writing was either written before (and in a more elaborate language), or it oozes melancholy and angst. My inspiration must be on vacation. I am not sure what or who is holding me back. Maybe I am doing it all by myself.

Thank you

The year draws to a close, and we tend to look back on what was and try to imagine what will be.

I wanted to share the above picture with you. Those are my stats on this blog since its creation. As you can see 2013 and 2014 had many views and not many visitors. During those years Jamie and I shared a lot of music, and I often sent links to my blog here. So… He is to blame for the views. He passed away in 2015. Up until the end of 2016, I did not tag my posts. And when I did, everything went up. I also wrote a lot more. As you can see 2018 is by far the best year when it comes to my writing. Ironically, I have not sold a book through the button on this site. I am not even sure if it works. But that’s okay.

I owe you a big THANK YOU.

People from 62 different countries have visited me – Catherine Micqu. You know who you are. And I know some of you too.

By the way… The top three posts were demons, heatwave, and madness is sadness.

I want to give special thanks to a handful of fellow bloggers. Nate, because you reached out when I needed it most. Your message came at the right time. Paul, because you always make me smile and I like your thoughts. Jeff, your love and dedication to music are amazing, your thoughts are deep, I appreciate that a lot. River Dixon because you are always the first to vote on whatever I share, and last but not least, Robert, because without you I wouldn’t write at all. Thank you.

No women? you ask. Well, apparently not. I just noticed this too. I went to look at my reader, and I saw that I don’t follow any blogs written by women and that are still active.

Either way, thank you all for your support and encouragement, silent or outspoken. See you on the other side. ❤

Cathy

Solstice

It is solstice and my 6th anniversary on this blog… I know, if you go back all the way, the first post is from December 27th 2012, but the very first post was written on the 21st. I remember it so well because that day the world was supposed to end. Obviously, we are still here…

And since we are here, at this very moment… Since a thought or a feeling (or a notification) brought us all together on this page, I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for your loyalty.

I see you. I am grateful for everything you do.

Once in a while, I wonder what will stay behind when my time has come to leave this world. I want to be remembered. And somehow, I want to make a difference in your lives. It doesn’t have to be forever, but for as long as you read my words… Yeah… That would be nice.

Happy Holidays to you and yours,

Cathy

PS: I am pretty sure we will see more of each other before this year ends.

Christmas tag

Thank you to Paul for nominating me for this festive tag, and I would also like to hear your answers to my questions.

a) Rules:

1. Thank the blogger that tagged you and link their blog to your post.

2. List the rules in the post.

3. Answer all the questions asked by the blogger.

4. Nominate some other bloggers and provide them with 12 new questions!

b) Paul’s questions

1. What do you eat on Christmas?

On the 24th, we have Fondue Bourguignonne. (Fondue with meat cooked in red wine). On 25th, we are invited with my husband’s family, and I don’t know what we’ll have.

2. Do you like wrapping presents?

Yes, I do. And I am quite good at it.

3. Do the other reindeer feel slighted that they haven’t been asked to lead Santa’s sleigh yet?

I don’t know. Santa doesn’t exist here in Luxembourg. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.

4. What’s your favourite tree ornament?

A purple glass ornament.

5. What makes a good mall Santa?

I couldn’t say. There are St. Nicola’s here around the 6th of December. A good one is not drunk and loves talking to the kids, keeping the magic alive.

6. Favourite Christmas movie?

I am very girlie here… I like the Family Stone, and I also like Home for the Holidays. And Miracle on 34th Street.

7. Have you ever snooped around the house for your presents?

*Shaking my head No, whispering yes*

8. Is an inflatable snowman on the front lawn really necessary?

Nope

9. Do you like when your gifts come in bags?

No. It takes the fun of unwrapping them

10. If it doesn’t snow on Christmas, is it still Christmas?

Yes! There is no white Christmas around here… With few exceptions.

11. Have you ever returned a present?

No. Every present is chosen with care, even if I don’t like it.

12. Alvin and the Chipmunks have a made a lot of money off of their Christmas album. If you were to make a Christmas Album, what would your hit single be called?

Last Christmas I dreamed of dancing in a winter wonderland.

c) Nominations:

I nominate River Dixon, fauxcroft, Jeff, and everyone of you who has visited more than once. You are welcome to leave your answers in the comments too.

Here are my 12 Christmas questions:

1. What is your earliest memory about Christmas?

2. How do you spend December 25th?

3. For me, the Christmas season starts when I first hear Last Christmas on the radio; when does the festive season begin for you?

4. Which traditions don’t you like?

5. Do you even celebrate this day?

6. Do you like giving presents?

7. How many kilos will you gain this year?

8. I wrote a post about not liking the festive season for various reasons, do you like or dread December?

9. Do you decorate your home and house?

10. Do you sing Christmas carols around the tree?

11. What is the worst that could happen during a Christmas party at work?

12. What would you get me if money wasn’t an issue?

Enjoy… Looking forward to your answers.

Dream Job

I was asked about my dream job by my trainee at work today.

Currently, I am working as an educator at a nursery. And I love my job. It is very positive and rewarding, even if there are days when four babies are constantly crying for no apparent reason. No child cries without reason. (be it hunger, thirst, pain, boredom, tiredness, filled nappies…). Ask me anything, and I will give you a passionate response.

But this is not my dream job.

Being a writer is not my dream job either.

My dream job was and still is working in drug and HIV prevention. It was my dream from an early age on. I think I was about ten years old when I first voiced my desire to work with drug addicts. (I was only 4 when I decided that I would want to be an educator, there was never a plan B.)

That’s the reason why I chose my career. With my diploma as an educator, I can do many different jobs here in Luxembourg. I can work in nurseries and day care centres. I can work in schools and high schools. I can work with elderly or disabled people. Or… I can work with socially unstable people; with outsiders. These spaces are very few though — the ones at school too; for a different reason.

Truth is, I never dared to work in the field I always wanted to work. When I had my first job, I was already a mom. Being a parent puts many things in perspective. Having people around telling you all about the risks working with these people instead of encouraging you to take a leap of faith is the other thing that always kept me from applying to open positions.

I am easy to manipulate, and maybe I am afraid too. What if I can’t stand the emotional challenges this job would entice? There are no positions vacant any way at this point in time, but maybe I should keep my eyes open?

Close second to the prevention job is being a teacher. Preferably teaching Luxembourgish to foreigners. Or going to schools and reaching the young ones about drug abuse and HIV/AIDS.

Third is (indeed) being a writer who can live off the sales of their book. I only sold one (1) copy of my book in November. I am giving away too many copies, lol.

What is/was your dream job? Would you give up the safety of your current job to find something more exciting, or to do your dream job?

Tell me about it.

Cathy

PS: I must be amongst the worst writers ever. I even keep misspelling my own name!

Who’s that girl?

I was not a happy child — neither my eyes nor my mouth smile here. The picture was taken on a day trip with school. I must have been 7 or 8 years old. It must be one of the only pictures of me where I am wearing earrings. My father went with me and my sister to get the ears pierced. I can’t remember it well, but soon after, I developed the worst allergic reaction on my earlobes and ever since no one is allowed to touch my ears. I can’t stand anyone whispering in my ears; I even flinch when doctors touch them.

I look at myself in this picture and want to hug the child. I want to tell her that someone is there for her and loves her unconditionally. I want to say to her that the worst is yet to come, but she will survive that too. I want her to know that it is okay to be afraid and to cry. And I want to tell her that she can speak with others, they will not laugh at her.

Recently, we had a school reunion. A WhatsApp group was created, and pictures were sent back and forth. And I was taken aback with how sad and lonely I looked on most pictures. It makes me wonder all the more why nobody helped this poor innocent child. Look at her. She could have been someone else entirely, with a little love and support.

I am not saying that the girl grew up to be nothing or no one. But I would be more confident, maybe even less conflicted if things had been different.

Considering the emotional blackmail and the psychological abuse I suffered as a child, I turned out to be a remarkable human being.

Comparing both pictures, it is hard to believe that the child and the woman are the same… The child is still inside. Silently wishing everything would be alright. Hoping that if she pleases everyone around her, and if she does whatever they ask of her, they will show how that they love her and are proud of her.

I am proud of the little one. She may be weak once in a while, be she is also a fighter. She was on the verge of giving up multiple times, but she never did. The child grew up the be a free spirit. Intelligent, sensual, beautiful inside and out, and much more.

I wish you a great weekend.

Tell someone you love them…

💜