Rain in my pain
You take the reign
Rain in my pain
You take the reign
Some say it is never too late. But what if it is? It is too late and I am going to go. I am going to go and… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Because it is too late. It is too late to do things differently. And I don’t want to change my ways anyway. So, I guess I am trapped in my own reluctance to be. What if I cease to exist? What if my breath stops? What if I close my eyes and forget to open them again? What will be my last thought? And if I fall asleep forever, what will be my eternal dream? I don’t want to know. I am here. I exist. I breathe. And I am tired. I am positive and I am tired. Exhausted. I am exhausted. Breathing is. Existing is. Being is.
The music keeps playing. Lives go on. Mine does too. Because I have a lot to learn, a lot to teach. I have a lot of love to give. And smiles to smile. I have millions of hugs to give. And words to listen to; to write; to read.
If I was… But I am not. And the rain falls down in its own way, and the wind blows in its own way. There is nothing more to say.
Green is the colour I associate with you
When I dream of you, you are bathed in a green hue
Green is the colour I feel when I think of you.
The first time I talked to you, you asked me to relax and listen to your voice. Three years later, and I can still remember it vividly. I was cuddled in my purple blanket, wearing nothing but a nightgown. I held the phone to my ear, and my eyes were closed. A sudden indescribable heat engulfed me and it was as if you were next to me, close to me in my room. I knew it couldn’t be, but you knew what I was wearing and you guessed my most intimate fantasies. I felt your presence, and your aura, it was green. It was soothing and so vibrant. I had never experienced anything quite like it. That heat. That colour. That moment. It was perfect bliss. But it didn’t last. And I was never able to recreate it. Until tonight. I was in that state between being awake and being asleep. It has been a while since you were in my dreams (and since you were on my mind like this). Tonight you were. You were standing in front of me, and I felt that familiar heat and I saw the familiar colour green. It was like a veil covering my dream. But the image of you slipped through my fingers. You faded. I tried to hold on, but I was too weak. I woke up (or came to) with a beating heart. And a longing to hear your voice calling me your Sweetie again. Overwhelmed, I couldn’t find sleep again. Did we connect tonight without either of us knowing about it?
Green is the colour of my dreams
Uninvited, you found your way under my sheets
Green is the colour that I see when your soul speaks to me
Behind a dark curtain I wait,
I wait for the light
The light you are.
I can see you
I see who you were
And know who you will be.
In the dark, I hide
I hide from you.
You can’t see me.
But I am wherever you are, too.
From the depth of my heart
Pouring out of my fingertips;
Hands be still
Don’t let them see
Everything I feel inside.
It doesn’t matter how you feel,
Everything I write and share… No matter how emotional or worrying it is, it is always just a moment in time. Nothing lasts. Not joy, not sadness. Nothing is forever.
Addicted to the feeling of you
And I don’t know how to say
There were no lies
No more reason to not give up
I was never enough
And I don’t want to stay
But I don’t want to let you go.