my heart is open

My heart is open
My arms are open
I will be here to share your pain
I will be here to stand in the rain
My heart is just a fraction broken
My secrets still unspoken
I will be here to see your soul
I will be here to make you whole
My heart is open
My heart is hopin’
I will be here to see the burning desire
I will be here to be your fire
My heart is just a fraction broken
My soul has awoken
I will be here to stop you from leaving
I will be here to make you start breathing
My heart is still open
My love will never stop lovin’.

My love was perfect

My love was perfect

But I couldn’t teach you how to feel.

No one knew how to forbid these feelings

And I wasn’t poor

I was living in abundance

All this love overflowing my heart.

My love was perfect

But I wasn’t able to teach you how to feel me

memory lane

As long as there is cum in my balls and a mind in my brain I will never forget you.

I wrote about this one before but I can’t find it anywhere so I will write it down again. This was said to me. Not written, but said. And I thought it was weirdly romantic. He laughed then, saying that it is our kind of romanticism, and he was right. In the meantime, this man is not a part of my life anymore. We knew the day would come but we tried to ignore it until it was there and he left. Which is okay and his proper right to do. But that sentence there, it keeps repeating in my mind. Over and over again. If it is true, then he will not forget me for a long time. I don’t want to be forgotten. Least of all by him. He who meant so much to me at one moment in time and who still does, who will always do.

When I shared this sentence with a friend, she was disgusted and thought it was very disrespectful. And I wondered if I had rose-tinted glasses on to be happy about these words. Now, a long time later, and these words still get to me and they are still disgusting to other people. For me, they are the ultimate declaration of love.

Funny how people see one and the same thing and feel so differently about it. Or maybe I am just weird. By the way, that same man said to me that he felt abject loneliness without me and that I was the only one who could fill the holes in his heart, in his mind and in his soul. Indeed, he is a writer… but come on… Those are amazing words to hear… Alas, love or an infatuation is not always enough. And I am not a romantic person anyway…

(written in August 2016 and still true)

randomness

I read the following today:

Sorry I haven’t texted you in a while, I haven’t been drunk

It is sobering how unfunny this is, and how true it is sometimes too.

Let me explain, I have friends I often think about. Those friends mean a lot to me but I am often shy to initiate contact. I am afraid to be a bother. (I know that I am not, but it is a feeling I often get.) Getting in touch with said people often happens when I am tipsy or drunk. That’s the sad reason why I can relate to this.

Pathetic, really.

Happy Belated Anniversary

I actually missed my blogging anniversary. It’s been 5 years since I write whatever comes to my mind on this site.

In the beginning, I was shy about sharing my poetry and most of my older posts aren’t tagged at all. In the old days, this blog was mostly about music that I liked and I shared YouTube links. But then came the day that I realised that liking music didn’t make me a critic – and I never wanted to be a critic either. So? Why holding on to a concept I didn’t like anymore? I took off almost every music. I also took off most of my personal posts and began sharing my writing.

I am proud of my words. Of my writing voice. Sure, I cannot write a post without a mistake. I cannot write a poem without a mistake. But maybe that’s my signature? Lol…

I am not sure what the future will bring. But I learned that writing is more than just spending some time doing something. Writing helps me to filter my thoughts and put them in order again.

To everyone out there spending time here on this blog, thank you. I appreciate it a lot and I hope you never feel like you just wasted time when you leave my place.

Happy Holidays.

xx

Maybe

Maybe if I fall asleep I don’t need to wake up again

Maybe if I don’t wake up again, this nightmare stops

Maybe if this nightmare stops, the torture ends too.

Maybe. Maybe not.

sense and sensibility

Another sleepless night

And I wonder

Can you hear me in your thoughts

Can you see me in your dreams

Can you taste me on your tongue

Can you feel me on your skin

Can you smell me on your sheets

Do you wonder

During another sleepless night?

call me!

I read your sensual words. I can’t deny the affect they have. The slight blush and the heat that wanders from my core to my center. I press my knees together. Blissful, tormenting heat.

I hear your voice. You called. And I hear the affect I have on you too. You sound breathless and your voice is higher. More heat spreads inside me. Blissful, tormenting heat. And it is your doing.

Your voice utters more words. My body reacts. You know it does. And as I follow your orders and give my own, I giggle. Yes, I giggle. Because you know the right words and the way they affect me. Goose flesh spreads all over my skin.

Wandering hands. Rustling sheets. Hushed voices on the phone, and heated skins. Words. Demanding. Sweet. Begging. More. And you know how to pleasure me.

The magic words. The ones that never disappoint. The order comes. I hear it and imagine your ragged breath against my ear. Your hands on me. Those words. Just two. Deeply affecting me. *** *****

Fire in my veins. Devouring pleasure. Trembling. Pulsating. Inside. Outside. And still your voice in me. Urging me on. Can’t stop now. The tension that once lived inside is soaking my fingers. Your words released me.

I can’t move. I can’t think. There are no words. Silence. Your silence is just as affecting as your words. Your erratic breath tells me everything I need to know. I affect you too.

For a moment, the world ceases to exist. Just you. Me. Our breaths. Our silence. Shared words that don’t need to be said. Subsiding heat. Fading tension. A chuckle. Two more words. And the call ends.

this is how you affect me

If I fall
I will rise
If I feel buried
I am actually planted
If I am in the dark
I am facing the light
I am your star
In broad daylight
I am your sun
At night
If I am asleep
You are awake in my dreams
When I am cold
You are my heat.
Fallen angel –
We were caught.