The Pugilist – Keaton Henson

Oh I’m sorry I broke it
Never forgive me
Your love is the hopeless
Light that I need
To remind me I’m living
And that I still need it
You pulled me together
With blood and soft stitches
You’re proof that I’m breathing
And that I still need
To be loved and to hear you
Whisper to me

You’re enough
You’re enough
You’re enough

Well I’m a self-centered writer
Loving myself to sin
Stay away from me
Don’t find a way to get in
I care only for art and career
So scared of death that I try to leave part of me here
I am lonely
Lonely in the fact that I need to be loved
And told I am deserving

We let us be, just to be

Isn’t that all we should need
We need
We should need

But the truth is I need you
To tell me I’m worthy
Of all this great living
That I’ve been doing
And I’m sick of the silence
Greets me when I go to bed
And the waking in a cold sweat
After all I’m an artist
And I’ve still got songs in me yet
And I’m frightened
Frightened to death you’ll forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget me

I guess that’s the most
Honest thing I’ve written yet
So here goes
Forgive me I’ll sing it again
Don’t forget
Don’t forget me

Don’t forget me…

Don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget

I still have art in me yet

(source for the lyrics:, original lyrics by Keaton Henson)


There is nothing more to add… An honest song and too many artists are described in this song.

I will not forget you and what we had, I promise…

The Optimist

Let me just quickly share my own personal thoughts about the latest Anathema release, called The Optimist. It was released on June 9th (by Kscope)

I’ve been a fan of this band – their music, for the better part of my life. Through all my life, there have been elements in their music that just spoke to me in a way no other band ever could. Though, let me admit, I was never a big fangirl of the musicians. It was just the music, the lyrics. It has nothing to do with the girls who love One Direction or Justin Bieber. And no, I am not judging, merely saying that it is different.

I digress. Back to the topic. The Optimist. It took until yesterday (June 19th) for this preordered record to arrive at my doorstep which strained my patience quite a bit. I didn’t listen to any songs while I was waiting, but I read the reviews. So many negative reviews. I wondered if it was the right decision to spend money on both the CD/DVD set and on the red vinyl. After all, people don’t seem to like the record very much. Me? I like it. I really do. While I was not a fan of their previous release (Distant Satellites), I have to say that this is a really good album. I don’t think that it can be compared to any of their previous work. I read in interviews that The Optimist is a sequel to A Fine Day to Exit. (An album I don’t particularly like or dislike – I don’t have a strong opinion on that one). It is in terms of the character who tried to find a way to exit and is now trying to find a way back home. Musically, it is not. Because, as I stated above, this album cannot be compared to any other album Anathema recorded.

So… The Optimist takes us on a journey. With pianos and guitars, with electronic aspects and string arrangements, we even hear some trombone in the jazzy Close Your Eyes. That trombone was certainly a surprise but it works in favour of the song. Just listen to some of Her Name is Calla’s songs (a British band), they use guitars, piano, strings and trombone too and it works well for them, in my own humble opinion.

Sure, the Optimist is a bit repetitive here and there (the vocals are and the melodies are sometimes too in some songs), but that repetivity is a constant in Anathema’s discography and it never bothered me. Also, I thought I heard some U2, some Radiohead (Wildfires), and even some Oasis (Back to the Start) influences on this album. Nice.
I like the heavy sound of the guitar, it sets a dark(er) mood. At the same time, there is a lot of hope and… optimism (duh!) on this record. For me, it is due to the strings and the piano. They can sound melancholic, but I don’t hear that here.

I wouldn’t recommend The Optimist to first-time Anathema listeners. It is not an easy record. There are many layers to peel away and to listen to. Too many? Is there such a thing as too many layers? My personal answer: No.

Lastly: in the many reviews I read Ghosts is often cited as a standout song. Personally, I think it is one of the weakest (alongside Wildfires) on the entire record. I like the lyrics, but that’s all I like about the song. Sorry.

My own standout song is The Optimist. (Followed by Leaving it Behind and Endless Ways). Can’t Let Go is a song I imagine could work on radio stations too… When I heard Springfield for the first time, I immediately thought that it would be nicer in an acoustic version… As for Close Your Eyes, I adore the arrangement of the song and even Lee Douglas’s voice. This style suits her.

Many words to say that I was afraid to listen to a bad record and I was positively surprised that it is not. It certainly isn’t easy to digest, though.

And now, the reason why I wrote this and will share it too: my inner music nerd was rejoicing when I listened to this brilliant record for the first time, but I still had the many negative reviews on my mind. (How devastating must it be for an artist when they invest time and creativity and emotions and money in their art and it is ripped apart?!) I needed to release my own personal thoughts and since there is no one in my immediate surroundings who feels as strongly about music as I do, I share it with you. And maybe you don’t care either but you will not hurt my emotions when you’re uninterested or rolling your eyes.

Thanks for reading and now go and search YouTube, iTunes or Spotify (or wherever you search for new music…) for this album and then go and buy it. 🙂 (And always remember that this little review was not written by a critic, I am merely someone who listens and likes music.)

I am called love
I’m in your heart
and in your soul
I’m very close, but often times twisting myself out of your reach
I’m love and I am often accompanied with fear.
I am called fear
I’m in your mind
and in your eyes
I’m just a heartbeat away putting destroying seeds into your brain
and once they blossom, I nurture them
and once my seeds of fear a big enough, I bring grief.
I am called grief
I’m your favorite emotion
I hurt you with every loss
no matter how big or small
I am by your side – always.
I keep you in a firm grip,
that is only released by anger.
I am called anger
I’m just a triggering word away
I make you act irrationally
I make you scream and hurt other people
but I am never alone
I come with anxiety.
I am called anxiety
and I make you worry constantly
I make you doubt every step you take
and if you refuse to listen to me
I make you panic and I force you to listen
I am not alone though. I come with surprise
and together we can get you down into a long winding downward spiral.
I am called surprise
I am not mean
I come to you suddenly
But usually, I prefer to be good,
I have powerful friends on the dark side, though
and I can’t resist temptation very well
I bring trust along with me, just to make you see that I don’t mean any harm.
I am called trust
I am rooted in your heart
and in your soul
close to love and just like her
I am never far away and still often out of reach
I am complex and I refuse to be given away freely
I am frail and break easily,
but I work well with love.
I am trust and I come with love.

nothing to write?

Three days since I wrote a poem or flash fiction. Three days. For me, that is a lot. It is often associated with bad moods, self-doubt and whatnot. But honestly, this time is different. I am just overworked and I didn’t have the time nor the chance to be inspired by my environment. It’s Wednesday today. So far, I worked 28 hours this week. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but… Usually, I only work 20 hours week in order to have enough time to spend with my kids. 10 hours will be added until the end of the week. I don’t have time to think about other stuff than work, the wellbeing of my clients (babies, toddlers, children) and the wellbeing and organisation of my own private life take up all my time. I need to say though… I love my job. I love the way we work and the way we interact. Amazing.

For other people the whole concept of work is trivial. For me it is not. I was a stay-at-home mom for more than 8 years. It defined me. And now things are changing and my work is beginning to define me. I am 4 months at my job now and I am only now getting more used to it and also I am getting more independent and sure of myself and my actions. It took me a long while. But I am there now.

Between October 2016 and January 2017 I worked at another place. They told me that I am not made for this job, but in the end, they didn’t give me the chance I deserved to prove it. Their loss, I’d say. That, and the fact that they didn’t want to keep me on the team helped me to find the best team ever. (For now).

My mind is really tired and preoccupied with work. 🙂

In other news: I preordered a record a couple of months ago. The record was released on June 9th. Until now, nothing has shown up in my mail. I refuse to listen to any songs on Spotify or YouTube or wherever. And yet it irks me that I will receive a preorder a week after the record can be bought in stores. And it is not because I am living so far away… Mail from the UK can be delivered within 2 or 3 days. I know it because it happened before. A well… It will come and I won’t rant. (much)

My head is full of random thoughts. Some were written down now in the hopes that I will find some much needed rest.



I am beginning to think that people like me better when I am melancholy and sad and unsure of myself. How is it that people seem weirded out when I am bubbly and in a good mood? Urgh… I know, I am often tired and my mindset is most often not the best, but give me a break! I am allowed to see the light too. I am allowed to be content and serene and okay with the fact that some people are meant to be distant satellites once in a while.

That is where I am right now. I am okay. I am well. I am fine. I really am. I still love the same people and I still have an open heart and an open soul. And I still keep my thoughts on my sleeve and my feelings too. 

I am just me… Good moods, bad moods. Moody all-around. And yet, a good person.


Hush little sweetie…
Under these covers we hide;
Ready to experience our secret desires.
Raw and feral lust overtaking –
Inside of me everything is overheating, pulsing
Continuous moans whispered in heat
Ah… Don’t stop the waves from flooding my body.
Night and day and dark and light
Everlasting lust ties us together in this hurricane love.


Elle s’envole sur les ailes de ses rêves sans jamais avoir peur de perdre la réalité.

La où tout a commencé, tout va finir.

La voix silencieuse ne cesse pas de la faire souffrir

Mais toi et ta présence sachent enlever le voile noir de ses pensées.

Reste ici avec elle, dans le pays des merveilles.

Elle voit ta beauté dans tes mots et si elle ose de revenir sur terre,

C’est pour que tu sent que tu est aimé et désiré quand ses yeux touchent ton corps.

Son âme et le tien forment un cercle infini.

Be safe

In a world were every morning is starting with the news of yet another terrorist attack (and/or threat), I just wish you to be safe.

No matter if we are or were friends, please be safe.

By the way, while the event in my mind this morning is clearly about the London Bridge attack, I am also thinking about the 1000+ injured in a mass panic in Turin/Italy during a public viewing of the Champions League finale yesterday. 

Wherever you go these days, please be safe. 


the road

I’ve been on this road for many years
Trying to forget all those tears.
And in the deepest low
Behind the darkest glow,
Hope was always hiding
A light was always shining.

I’ve been on this road, walking endless miles
Ignoring the past’s echoes and its cries.
And as I stopped and sat down
It took me a moment to understand that there were new friends in town.
My restless travels and my frantic searching were in vain
This was where I wanted to be stayin’.

I’ve been down that road so many times
Creating stories and words in my minds.
And in the shining sun
When I felt like I needed to run,
I found solace in my broken thoughts,
Tying together their fraying knots.

But this is not the end of the road,
This traveler’s pace has just been slowed.
Soaking in the beautiful landscape
Even the one that was manmade.
Just resting my weary eyes
And listening to the path the soul takes when it flies…

Spirits in need near the edge of lust

Spirits in need
Under crumbling bridges.
Bring back whatever it is you stole;
My love, my lust, my gentle touch.
Iridescent stars light the way
Shining on – and guiding our lost minds.
Souls meeting in silent understanding,
Intuition tells us what we need to do.
Our selves lose importance
Near the edge of lust.

(could this poem be an acrostic?! Yes, maybe, certainly, it is!)