Fragile

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Wrapped in a blanket of tears
It came without warning
And makes no sense at all.

The guitar is bleeding
And the ink is drowning in a well
So many untold secrets.

Tighter
Again
Again

Where have all the voices gone?
Maybe they found the noose?
Because nothing was ever enough.

Woven memories that we don’t remember
What are we looking for?
Decaying thoughts with no meaning.

Higher
Again
Again

Do we want more?
We want less
Of everything. Of us.

Our footsteps are blown in the wind
Dust and forgotten souls
We are dragged forward to meet our final day.

Wider
Again
Again

The wings of our souls are spread
Reaching but never quite touching the other within
Endless tries to connect.

Reasons ceased to exist a long time ago
Hollow shells wandering hand in hand
Turn into lightening in the sand.

 

 

 

dancing minds…

not only our souls and bodies are dancing… our minds are too

the storm before the calm?

My mood is a weird one. I don’t trust it. I feel serene. Guided by the light. I am satisfied with me and who I am. I am standing behind my words and believe what I say. My own wisdom surprises me and makes me uncomfortable too.

I am wondering… when I am like this – when I am the light, I wonder if I deserve to feel it. I also wonder if I am more attuned to other people’s moods then. I am always quite aware of the people around me and of their moods but maybe I am just projecting. Who knows? But yes, when I feel the way I do now, right this moment, I wonder about these things. It isn’t happiness I am feeling. But a calm. A calm before a storm? I don’t hope so… but as it is, I cannot control my emotions and I lose every reason and every rationality when they are involved.

And I also wonder if I stole someone else’s light. Did I suck it out of someone who is falling into the dark now?

I know that I am weird. But I also know that I have a huge list of qualities. It’s sad when people reduce me to one thing when I am so much more. In a way, I am complicated, but since I am very understanding and most times quite easy-going and relaxed, I am easy to live with too. I have a great sense of humour and I am interested in many things – from music (duh!) and books to politics and randomness. I am opinionated and intelligent too and as you can see, I am very modest too, lol. I am talented in many domains, I am spiritual and rational at the same time and did I mention humour? I like to laugh about myself.

Sometimes I think that we should take more time to set up a real connection with the people in our lives. Sometimes, we should dare to drop every mask and be who we are without holding back. No matter how intense or dull we think we are. After all, as long as we don’t show who we are, we cannot expect that anyone will understand us and wants to get to know us better. And maybe everything we dislike in ourselves, they’ll adore? Who knows?

I am tired of these masks –  and yes, I wear them too. With these people I show more of that, with those people, I show more of this. And honestly, I am tired of it. Sometimes I pretended, in the past, to be dumber than I really am just to make the other feel better. And it shouldn’t be that way. It really shouldn’t.

I don’t want to hide who I am and who I love. I don’t want to repeat myself and my promises again and again because the other is even more unsure of themselves than I am of me.

There are times in my life when I am very submissive… Right now is not such a time. I am strong and I have the scars to show for it. I am a survivor and I can (and will) take charge of my life and the situations that need to be taken care of.

In a couple of weeks (maybe even days) I will be fragile again. I will break apart at my seams because the emotions and feelings are agonising, but that is not now. Don’t let it be now, please. I want to keep this calm feeling and put it in a box that I will lock. I will hide the box in my soul and when the world around me is raging I will open the lid and let some of the calmness cover me from within…

 

xx

the rainbow’s nook

Rivulets of emotions
Growing into a rushing brook
Year in and year out I’m going through the motions
Hiding inside every rainbow’s nook.

As the earth unfolds its verdure
The sun turns into a comforting embrace
The birds singing their songs without allure
And the trees are standing tall in all their grace.

I feel my spirits awaken
And letting go of winter’s thoughts
My foolishness forsaken
As I accept my lovable flaws.

The wind and the weather;
They cannot bring you back
My heart floats like a feather
Mending my soul’s crack.

The spring’s healing powers
Are filling my being
As I stop to smell the flowers
Finally feeling life’s new meaning.

I can breathe without you by my side
And push the clouds off my mind
I don’t need the rainbow to hide
Because spring finds me refined.

pleading to the full moon

The moon is blinding me
Hiding our sin
I am not sure if I am okay

If I could just see…
If I kiss the sweat off your skin
Could our love see another day?

If we drowned in the sea
Or let the sun wear us thin
What if the love let us sway?

How wrong could that be?
Would we believe the voices within?
And would we take a chance to let our love stay?

How many days until we are free?
How many lost battles until we win?
There has to be a way.

Saturday morning

Sometimes I wish I could just give up control. In everything. Let someone else take the decisions and just follow blindly. How scary and freeing could that be? I mean, just the idea of it… It definitely would keep me from doubting myself all the time. It would keep me from over-thinking. And I would just do. Just be. With a blank mind. It’s quite appealing.

Take it… Take everything I have to offer and maybe even more.

It is scary to be at the mercy of someone else, I admit it. But if you trust them? In my naive mind, it could be the most liberating thing.

Huh… And these were my early Saturday morning thoughts.