September 2016 – reflections of an unquiet mind

September 27, 2016September 27, 2016

happy news

I signed my employment contract today and I couldn’t be happier. It took me a while to find this spot, but it seems to be what I want and need. I had a trial day and I had a blast with the coworkers and I felt well and at ease. This is just a huge step for me.

It’s a week of renewment. Okay, so spellchecker doesn’t like that word. It’s a week to start over. (better?!) I decided to move on and not backward anymore.

Amor Fati… that’s what I read a couple of days ago and was reminded that at one time in the past I did that a lot more than I do now.

I am a working mom now 🙂

So, this morning I went to sign my employment contract. And something happened.
I usually feel young and sometimes I also feel inexperienced in life. Both is untrue… But it’s a feeling. Anyway… Today, I sat in a room with 4 people who had just left school and got jobs at the same company. For the first time, I felt old and capable of teaching them things. Not old as in ancient, but experienced 🙂 And I looked in their frightened faces and thought… Well, I was like that once. And now, look at me… Signing my name on a sheet of paper doesn’t faze me anymore. I was so much calmer than them. And that realisation was an eye-opener… I haven’t felt calm and serene in a while. My restlessness was self-made. My worries were self-made. It all came down to the people I let in my heart and in my mind and who had an easy play to mess with me. You see… Or you know… My heart is on my sleeve, my emotions never very well hidden. And there are people who latch on to that. They suck the happiness out of you until you believe they are your only source of happiness. And they make you believe that you can’t be without them because of reason you will never really understand but make you grateful for their attention and time anyway. Truth is, most often, we are better off without these people.
Look around you! There are people who love you. There is no need to go on a quest to find something that is nothing but can ruin everything.

This post became somewhat strange, lol.

TAKK, MERCI, THANK YOU, for reading

Cathy

September 25, 2016

Thank you for the inspiration, my muse. I loved you. I love you. I will always love you.

September 25, 2016

Mediocre Poem

For several years I had to wait,
Behind the locked iron gate
I pretended it was fate
And that you were just late.

But you never came
And I began to blame
Everyone taking part in this game
And accusing them of the same.

They kept you away from me
And refused to let our love be free
They were simply to blind to see
That there was no you without me.

Or no me without you?
Could that be true?
Could it be that they knew?
We belong together, just us two.

So I saved myself inside my dreams
Where, at least it seems
Our love was still held together at its seams
And waiting at the gates for years was not labelled too extreme.

In the dark cold night
My heart and my mind continued their fight
They argued about who was right
And who could turn on my inner light.

Time went by and you were still gone.
Everything I could, I had done
And I was convinced you were the one
So I kept waiting and realised that in my madness, I was all alone.

The lesson learned here
Might not be cristal clear
But as long as you are not near,
I will spend my time with an other, dear.

September 25, 2016

silent tears

September 25, 2016September 25, 2016

me before you

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will I be able to breathe when you aren’t my air?
And will I cease to exist when you aren’t there?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will my heart find a rhythm of its own?
And will I cry myself to sleep – alone?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will my mind find peace and serenity?
And will I remember you longer than eternity?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will my smile be brave and strong?
And will I hear our story in every song?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will I go back to the way I was before?
And will there be an other opened door?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will my brain pretend that everything’s a lie?
And will my thoughts ever truly say goodbye?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will there still be happiness for me?
And will it come with a price or is it for free?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?
Will I ever forget you?
And will I ever forget how to love you, too?

Who was I before you and who will I be when you’re gone?

September 22, 2016

Don’t Remind Me

Were you the stitches that held my broken heart together?

Were you in the words I erased from my page?

Remind me of the reasons why I needed you?

Truth is, I need you to fill the silence within.

Truth is, I need you to fill the pages in my book.

Remind me of the reasons why I love you?

It is all in the songs we didn’t hear.

It is all in the breathing air we didn’t share.

No reminder needed…

September 20, 2016

Keaton Henson – kindly now

I haven’t gushed about music in a long while. I haven’t stopped listening, far from it actually, but I seem to be less impressable (this not an English word?! I am not as easily impressed!? Better?) lately. By pure chance and curiosity I came across the new Keaton Henson album ‘Kindly Now‘. It was released 16th of September this year, which makes it brand new. I had it in my mail this morning and listened to it ever since on repeat. And I am completely and utterly blown away. I am in a phase on my journey where this album just matches so many situations. And to top it off… his lyrics… beautiful. A couple of days I wrote a poem or a thing, and today I heard his song ‘the pugilist’… oh my… same subject. Just he used better words and a nicer melody.

It’s just an amazing album through and through.

And those were my two uninformed and unprofessional cents. In the end, I am just a person who is very passionate about music…

Cathy

September 19, 2016