scared to go to sleep

I am scared to go to sleep, because where once pictures of you lulled me into sleep, I see a stranger with a gun.

The gun is put against my head and the stranger either says “Bang! You’re dead!” and laughs sardonically or I tell him “Kill me already!”

I am scared to go to sleep, because where once I felt like being hugged by you, I see that stranger with his gun.

Every night, it’s the last thing I can remember and as much as I want you to be first and last and always on my mind, it never happens anymore.

I am scared to go to sleep…

Learning to fly

There was a time when I swore I would never let you go.
Then came the time when it was too painful to hold on.
There was a time when I wanted you back – all to myself, mind, body and soul.
Then came the time when I understood that I had to let you fly.
There was a time when I thought you would need me to be happy.
Then came the time when you spread your wings and abandoned me.
There was a time when I mourned your loss.
Then came the time when I realized the cut – as painful and deep as it was, was the best that could have happened to us.
There was a time when I watched you from afar, happy to see that you have found your own happiness.
Then came the time, when I turned away with the knowledge that you are well, safe and sound and I am not needed anymore.
There was a time when my emotions were locked in a cage without a key.
Then came the time, when this lock was broken and I was released from your magical spell.